The Lie I Told Was: I’m Fine

“I’m fine” ... the easiest lie I ever fed you. Not because it was true, but because you never wanted the storm behind my teeth.

It’s my favorite sin…
clean, believable, easy to say with my teeth showing.
It got easier to say than to explain the storm.
I’m fine became code for:
Please don’t look too closely.
I’m held together by timing and tension.

I said I’m fine with fists unclenched,
jaw relaxed,
voice so calm they never heard the earthquake
cracking my ribs from the inside out.
I said I’m fine while my insides begged
for an honest exit wound,
for someone to see the red behind my grin
and call it human, not inconvenient.

I didn’t lie to deceive.
I lied to protect the last fragile piece of me
still crying please don’t break here.

I said I’m fine
because you liked me better broken in secret.
I’m not fine.
I was never fine.
But I was polite enough to make you believe it,
and that, once, was enough to survive.

They loved my calm so much
they never questioned the tremor under my grin,
how it flashed behind my teeth
like a fuse no one wanted to touch.
They heard I’m fine
and mistook it for a promise:
that I’d never crumble out loud,
never bleed where it might stain their peace.

I never meant to lie.
I just needed the storm to stay hidden long enough
to keep the dinner plates from rattling,
the doors from slamming,
the love from running when it smelled rain in my throat.

Behind every I’m fine
was a throat begging for permission to split wide,
to spit truth sharp enough to shatter the polite hush
that passed for understanding.

I let them worship my neat edges
while my insides turned to rot behind a courteous smile.
And yes, 
that lie kept me alive,
kept the lights on,
kept the room from seeing the mess I called a heart.

But it kept me lonely, too.
Next time you hear me say it,
listen for the thunder underneath:
what I mean is I’m breaking here.
What I crave is for someone to stay,
even when the storm stops the stonewalling
and roars every secret I once dressed up
as survival.

I’m not fine.
Haven’t been for a long time.
But I’d rather break out loud now
than keep surviving behind a polite smile
you mistake for peace.

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P.S.
If this stirred something in you,
it might speak to someone else too.
Feel free to pass it on.

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📚 This series will become my next book… Shadow Thoughts: The Silence That Kept Me.

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